Preview: Cult of Tulsa v Creighton

Big East Basketball Media Day Photo by Mitchell Layton/Getty Images

Fuck Oral Roberts, his shitty family, but most importantly, his shitty university.

GAME INFO:

Game time: 7:30pm

Location: Omaha, NE

Weather at tip-off: 39° fahrenheit, western winds blowing at 9mph, clear skies

TV: FS1 or the Fox Sports App

Radio: 1620am / 1620 the Zone App feat the voice of Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon Bishop.


OPPONENT INFO:

I fucking hate Oral Roberts. I’ve had the honor of writing about them in the past, so just go read that. The rest of this article will be written by a neural network (talk to transformer).

Oral Roberts basketball coaches. You see, with sexual promiscuity’s increasing influence in the larger culture, the one country which has received much attention for its commitment to Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior in these troubled times is in the South. These lovely women are teaching that you should feel happy being a sexual addict, and well, you do, because they are teaching you in this case. The reason this is important is because when we enter into sexual promiscuity, our spiritual development and progress will suffer. This is a very important and beautiful letter to your pastor.

The best players on the Cult Of Tulsas’ basketball team are so special and unique in their personalities that they have received an honorary coach class. They are Chris Walton, a junior point guard; Dez Wells, a sophomore wing; Jerron Moore, a freshman guard and coach Tony Stevens. These three players stand out from the rest, according to their teammates, because they really have something special going on.

”When you walk into an airplane you are always looking to feel the seat,” said Larry Gordon, a junior point guard. “So when you are on a plane you want to have somebody.”

The Cult Of Tulsa’s best wins this basketball season are links. It is always fun when a college basketball team shocks itself, but to do it with such total consistency and skill was truly remarkable.

Tulsa tallied its first win this season with a 56-53 triumph over Central Arkansas. The question on everyone’s mind was which team would come out on top: Tulsa or Central Arkansas? This week, Tulsa didn’t look as if it was giving up. In fact, they looked like they were rolling over Central Arkansas at various points.

Jameel Warney scored 10 points.

Why does a cult in Tulsa, Oklahoma feel the need to field sports teams? See the answer here.

And finally, an anonymous state representative at the Oklahoma State capitol thinks we’re all a bunch of nut jobs. It’s hard to disagree with a guy who openly called for a federal investigation into climate change. But note that the state representative happens to be from Pottawatomie County. Surely that’s no coincidence.

What are we to make of all this?

With all of these increasing evidence of the Left’s control of America, I think.


Verba de Ludorum

Creighton basketball upset Texas Tech on Sunday night, 28-22.

Play all of the awesome GIFs after the jump…

No one was happier about the 5-1 win than head coach Greg.

How to play basketball without gravity:

1. Basketball is not exactly a “gravity sport”. How can it be when a ball is flying in a straight line across the court?

Forget gravity, forget thinking about what your gravitational effects are on the ball. Basketball requires acceleration and deceleration. When you look down at a basketball and throw it, your upward motion is transmitted to the ball. The upward motion, which would keep you from coming down and landing on your face, is of course gone. As far as gravity is concerned, your forward motion

2. Another fun fact about basketball is that there is an endless amount of ways to play the game. Are you a shooter? You can play this game by yourself! I know it may seem like the best way to be played by a football player, but I promise it isn’t. In basketball, you can play like this by yourself:

This is totally different from what many people play. You can try to get up for easy layups with one hand, but in doing

Step 3: Get loose!

”Everyone knew me as a loose-stylin’, that some thing, a football star I might be, but I would be hesitant to admit it. I was not that athletic. I never played any sports growing up. I can’t even really describe it as a sport to me. I was always more about how I could play basketball than I was about playing. That’s when I hit puberty. I just don’t want to even go there! It’s embarrassing.”

Step 4. You’re kinda pissed off, and decide to fill the world with your own gravity. You die, just a little. You wake up in an open field, but you have no place to go. You live as a squatter. It’s a great way to lose weight. What happens next is pretty much up to you. Some people decide to kill all the other squatter places. Some people decide to raid every temple and kill all the other temples. Some people decide to pack up and move to the capital city.

Step 5: Cry for relief:

This is what we call a success story. Sure, playing basketball without gravity might not be what you imagined. It might be messy, sweaty, and uncomfortable. But you’ll definitely be able to play the game, and it’ll take a lot less effort. You may even be able to have sex, and eventually, when you’re old, you’ll start to feel pleasure from doing it.

Come on! Just get over yourself. As if you can’t handle a little ridicule.


Song of the Day - Breaking English by Rafiq Bhatia

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